i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
