forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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