you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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