dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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