Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
either way he was missing a nipple.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
