I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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