Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
