You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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