4 words: hood of his car
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
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