I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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