so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
