What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
