i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
