can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
