He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
