He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Panties = found
Randomize
