we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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