Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
