she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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