If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
