he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
