Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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