fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
