Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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