Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
