the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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