im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
