Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
