went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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