I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
