it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
