hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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