Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
