it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
