i just google imaged poop.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
