It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
