i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
