i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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