I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Your dad touched me again.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
