Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
