Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
