the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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