When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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