I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
