Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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