lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
