Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
