So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
