I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
