dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
