and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
