it hurts more in the daytime
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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