yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
