He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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