careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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