cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
