just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
