So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
